Bad marriages, failed software implementations, and bad major decisions are painful.
To feel better, we naturally seek assurance from others that it is not due to us. Instead, it is the other’s fault. We tend to work hard to collect enough evidence to prove that we are exemplary and that the other party is wrong.
We may win the argument, but it does not change our current situation.
Perhaps the better question is what we will do differently next time. Or, what do we need to do to move forward constructively?
We can only ask such questions once we are out of the heat of the battle.