The Spark Was Never Ours to Keep

A time will come when a spark is lit within us. And a time will come when it fizzles out.

Most of us have felt both. We just rarely notice the second one while it is happening.

When the spark is lit

With age, various sparks are lit within us. A new career. A business idea. A friendship. A cause. A hobby that takes over our weekends.

While the spark burns, everything feels different. We have energy to put in. We have a sense of achievement. We have a belief that we have got it, that we have finally found the thing.

Each win lifts us. Each loss bothers us. We care, deeply, about how it goes.

None of this feels temporary from the inside. It feels like who we are.

When it fizzles out

Then time comes, and the things that were the whole focus of our life become a burden.

The same work that once got us out of bed early now has to be dragged out of us. The same people we wanted to see every week now feel like an obligation. We start to seek freedom from the very thing we once chased.

Something that was our passion becomes a headache.

This is not a failure of character. It happens across almost everything we touch. Friendships. Leisure. Eating and drinking. Career. Business. Relationships. Status. Possessions. With time, sparks for various things within us come and go.

The mistake we make

The difficulty is not that the spark fades. The difficulty is what we believe about it while it burns.

We start to identify ourselves with the thing. I am this career. I am this business. I am this role, this title, this group of friends. So when the energy for it goes, it feels as though part of us has gone with it.

But it was merely the spark within us. The thing itself never carried the energy. We did.

A familiar pattern

Consider an executive who championed a new system for her organisation.

In the early days, she was everywhere. She led the business case, sat in every vendor demonstration and spoke about the program with real conviction. Every milestone mattered to her. Every setback kept her awake.

Two years later, the program is still running. She now delegates the steering committee to a deputy. She reads the status report on her phone. When someone asks about it, she sighs before she answers.

Nothing about her ability has changed. Nothing about her values has changed. The spark that carried her through the first year has simply burned down.

If she sees this as a verdict on herself, she will feel guilty and push harder at something that no longer has her energy. If she sees it for what it is, she can ask a more useful question: who now carries this, and does it need someone whose spark is still lit?

The spark spectrum

This changes how we might look at other people too.

When we see someone who lacks motivation, we are quick to judge. Lazy. Disengaged. Not committed. When we see someone with an insane passion for something, we are just as quick to admire them, or to roll our eyes.

But they may simply be at different ends of the spark spectrum.

The person who seems to have lost interest may have burned bright on this very thing years ago. The person on fire today may be where the other one once stood. Neither is the better person. They are at different points in the same cycle.

We must then learn to be a little more gentle and considerate about others. And kinder to ourselves.

Living it, and letting it go

So when the spark is within, live the experience fully and make it count. Put in the energy. Care about the wins and the losses. There is no reason to hold back from something just because it will not last.

And when it fizzles out, remember that it was never ours permanently.

Not the energy. Not the passion. Not the thing we built our identity around. The spark came, it did its work, and it left. What remains is us, ready for whatever is lit next.

The questions that remain

Here are some questions to ponder.

Which spark in your life is burning brightest right now, and how much of who you are have you attached to it?

Which one has already fizzled out, while you are still carrying the burden of pretending it has not?

And the next time you judge someone for their lack of motivation, or their excess of it, where on the spark spectrum might you have been standing, not so long ago?