We Rarely Lose Our Freedom. We Give It Away.

Freedom is about freedom of mind.

When we hear the word freedom, we usually think of something outside us. Laws, rights, borders, the absence of anyone telling us what to do. Those matter. But most of us, most of the time, are not short of that kind of freedom. What we are short of is something quieter, and much easier to lose.

A free mind is free to make rational choices based on what we know, our goals and who we are.

Not on what others expect of us. Not on what everyone else is doing. On our own knowledge, our own direction and our own character.

Freedom and independence

Independence is the next step.

Independence is about free thinking, followed by free action, within the constraints of ethical, social and human values.

Both halves matter. Free thinking without free action is only a private opinion. We know what we believe, and then we do something else. Free action without ethical, social and human values is not independence either. It is recklessness, and sooner or later it costs other people their freedom.

So independence sits between two failures. Thinking freely but acting as expected. Or acting freely with no regard for anyone else.

How we lose it

We rarely lose freedom in one dramatic moment. Nobody takes it from us at the door. We give it away, a little at a time, usually for good-sounding reasons.

We lose freedom when others make decisions on our behalf. Sometimes because it is easier. Sometimes because we would rather not be the one accountable if it goes wrong. Either way, the decision is made, and it was not ours.

We lose freedom when we comply with what is common, to fit in. The group has a way of doing things, and stepping outside it feels expensive. So we stay inside, even when we can see it is not right for us.

We lose freedom when we copy others’ dreams, fashions, choices and norms, without introspection. We want the career someone else wanted, the house someone else bought, the system someone else implemented. Not because we examined it and chose it, but because it was there to copy.

We lose freedom when we please others to maintain peace, temporarily. We say yes when we mean no. We stay quiet when something needs saying. The peace holds for a while. The price comes later.

We lose freedom when we choose the status quo because change appears too expensive. We stay where we are, not because it is right, but because moving looks costly. Over time, the place we stayed becomes the place we are stuck.

None of these feel like a loss of freedom at the time. Each one feels like the sensible thing to do. That is exactly why they work.

A familiar pattern

Consider a council executive sponsoring the replacement of her organisation’s core systems.

The vendor proposes the roadmap, and she accepts it. Others are making the decisions.

Two neighbouring councils chose a particular product, so she chooses it too, without asking whether their needs are the same as hers. She is copying, without introspection.

The steering committee prefers reports that stay green, so she does not push on the ones that should not be. She is pleasing others to keep the peace.

Midway through, it becomes clear that several old processes should be retired, not rebuilt. Changing them looks expensive, so they stay. She chooses the status quo.

Two years later, she has a system she did not really choose, running processes she did not really want, on a plan written by someone else.

Nobody forced her. Every step was reasonable. She simply never used the freedom she had.

Earned, not given

Freedom and independence are virtues of strong desire, will and determination.

They are earned, by being fully aware and by making daily choices that do not compromise our freedom.

Daily is the important word. Freedom is not won once and then kept forever. It is lost in small, ordinary moments, and it can only be kept in the same small, ordinary moments. The meeting where we decide whether to speak. The decision we either make or hand over. The habit we either examine or simply copy.

Boundaries

Freedom is protected by drawing clear boundaries, for ourselves and for others.

Boundaries for others say what is ours to decide, and what is not up for negotiation. Without them, other people’s preferences slowly become our decisions.

Boundaries for ourselves say what we will not trade, whether for comfort, for approval or for a quiet meeting. Without them, we keep renegotiating ourselves, one small compromise at a time.

A boundary is not a wall. It is a line that tells us, and everyone around us, where our freedom begins.

The questions that remain

Here are some questions to ponder.

How much are you actually free?

What does losing your freedom cost you?

And what are you prepared to sacrifice to win your freedom back?